freebird

This is sheer rambling. Writing is just so sometimes. You want to write and can’t, stop, try, curse and hope for better days. But it all began interestingly.

I was asked an interesting question. How many people have I lusted after? Initially taken aback I tried to answer. It seemed like pedantry, even to me. It was a laborious, circuitous process.

When do we lust? What is lust? These questions attacked me like a bolt from the blue. One never consciously thinks about it. If one does, then one is either researching sexual matters or is obsessed. There could also be another reason. Is it because one feels guilty, as if one is committing a sin? We also lie. We think dirty, but then our repressed beings sure that they are sinning; try to brush it away by not acknowledging.

Everything about Lust, I thought, will be explained in a jiffy in my blog. I began and then stumbled. This was the 2^nd time in 20 minutes or so. This is why?

I initially started to write another blog on the Scarlette Keeling case in Goa. I had written 2 or 3 angry blogs about the gruesome murder and the shameful cover - up. This time it was with regard to the suspension of the doctor who conducted the autopsy / first examination on Scarlette. His flip flop and eventual suspension was the subject of my blog. I wrote a couple of paragraphs and then lost it. I couldn’t write beyond. I had nothing new to say, I thought. My anger was over probably. Other events caught my fancy some would say.

But what pissed me probably was the continued stupidity of the investigating personnel; the arrogance of the government as if they were doing a favour by being impartial in a probe that pits local Goans against a foreigner. Finally they have agreed to a CBI enquiry, although the CBI is not guilt-free. They too have bowed to political pressure, winked at the accused and succumbed to temptation. They are better no doubt, but are they honest. Incredible that people still have doubts as to whether Fiona struggled or not, inspite of all the marks on her body.

Fiona is going back today with her daughter’s body; a different person for sure. Fiona wants a 3^rd autopsy on her daughter after her experiences in India. RIP Scarlette.

So I started to write about this question that was asked. I wrote ‘We all lust. Agreed. When? Very difficult to answer. What do we lust? Again difficult. Top of the charts is the male and the female of the species. We know, feel and understand this phenomena.

I said there is lust beyond the obvious. An example could be, I said, a perfect straight drive from a batsmen, a perfect posture attained unknowingly by a fielder, dancer or the guy who is throwing rumali rotis in the air. If such is the case, then what do you lust after?

These examples mean that lust has a spectrum that is seen but not understood. Most readings and meanings somehow emphasize on the physical/sexual aspect.’

I wrote all this and then stopped. Went home and felt upset.

I write whenever I get some free time off work. It is always in a hurry, trying to squeeze as much in as little. Sometimes the urgency and the pressure works. You write fast, get to the point, post and get replies. All very inspiring in a mediocre kind of way. But there are days when nothing happens and you get stuck.

So after a day of mis-happenings, I wondered last night. Can I think it through rather than hurry through it? How to understand and write about it? Examine the various processes that come into play when ‘Lust’ manifests. Actually break it down into finer and ever finer detail and see the results.

Lust: to desire something ardently. Usually carnal.

But there is Lust for Life also.

We see and we lust. Therefore the eyes play an important role.

Eyes=Lust

It is important to see and be aroused. Only deals with the physical.

Hear and get Lusty? Possible some would say and I would agree.

Smell and get Lusty; taste and Lust? All ok.

So we see, hear, smell, taste and then lust. It can be for the body, for the senses, for the soul. Tangible and intangible. A yearning, seeped in devotion, prayer soul etc.

It is temporary? Comes and goes, fleeting or can it be permanent?

Is lust a process of consumption and consummation? Is a desire unfulfilled also Lust? It is.

Is it omnipresent in all of us and only rears its head when an opportunity presents itself? Like the most philistine of us has a sense of the beautiful; but surrounded by ugliness we don’t pursue it actively; but given an opportunity we shall lust after it; chase it and make it an integral part of our life. Is it possible?

I again write and am unable to. There is music in the background and talk…slow, insistent and irritating talk. And god knows what the music is. Have been listening to a lot of electro-techno-minimal off the net and the background is rock as we used to listen in college.

So many things have changed. People, places, friends, habits, temper. It’s an old me and a new me; trying to reach peace. Lust or no lust.

Hard Eight. Boogie Nights. Magnolia. Punch Drunk Love. There Will Be Blood.

 Boogie Nights was the first film that I saw of Mr. Anderson. I, like most others, was suitably impressed. To be true, more than impressed. After 3 hours, I, and most of us friends had discovered a film maker. It is very important - these discoveries to take place. Otherwise the age stagnates. The films, the frames, the actors, the art…all of it can stay top notch, but the feel is not there. The frames are too perfect. The art is too slick. The acting is too bang on. Everything might be right and yet nothing touches you.

 P.T. Anderson changed all of that. Just like Tarantino. It was sad, traumatic, uplifting, funny, hilarious all at one go. The technique, meaning, heart, humanism all in tandem. Rare, we thought and applauded.

 Next came Magnolia. The impression stayed and was in fact, solidified. There was admiration. If Antonioni dealt with the ‘architecture of relationships’ in the 60’s and further, similarly did Anderson in each of his films, but not in the muted, introspective manner of his predecessor. It was out, upfront, gross, poetic…all evoking a visceral reaction.

 Punch Drunk Love was a departure. It still had a protagonist who is trying to figure out his or her space but the sheer simplicity of style (not of content; it has an absurd beginning and some truly bizarre characters) and content (romance) made it quite unlike any of P.T’s previous films. Most of us fell in love with Paul T Anderson. At the same time we also realized that he was not very popular in America. Just like Wes Anderson. Why?

 I saw Hard Eight after these 2. A small film, different from all of the above, taut with a great performance by Phillip Baker Hall.

 And then came There Will Be Blood. With Daniel Day Lewis as its protagonist, Daniel Plainview. He definitely talks plain in the film – convincing all that he is the best ‘Oil Man’ they can deal with. Because he has a family. Well, a semblance of a family with a kid.

 Day Lewis carries the actor’s burden just like other great actors. His Plainview is a tough as nails, always-in-control, articulate, seemingly caring father, who discovers oil and begins a journey that ends in tragedy.

 Pitted against the veteran is Paul Dano.

 Ambition. The rules of ambition and the pitfalls of ruthless determination. On one hand is Daniel Plainview, capitalism personified, dealing in profits and losses. Nothing can stop his juggernaut. No affection can reign him in. Day Lewis inhabits his character with so much conviction that you believe, probably admire, Plainview’s fanaticism to find oil, riches and conquer all horizons. Plainview seems to be God ordained to follow a path the routes, the pitfalls, gains and losses of which one cannot even guess; forget fathoming.   

 He hates all and unknown to himself – himself. The world, its people, the land, emotions – everything can be put to the stake by the smooth talking Plainview. There are no obstacles in his path…or so he thinks. Till Paul Dano’s Eli makes his presence felt.

 Dano shows prodigious talent against the veteran DDL. Both of them have acted together in the past and it was DDL who recommended the rookie’s name to PT after numerous casting calls proved of no use.

 Dano’s Eli is a wannabe preacher. He lead his flock of innocents by acting God-possessed and it is the Oil Man Plainview who sees through Eli right away. Both immediately become enemies. Eli can see the soullessness of Plainview and he in turn can see that Eli is a masquerader.

 But as has happened since eternity, business and religion connive at each other; collaborate; flourish; bicker; blackmail and attack each other and in moments of honesty acknowledge that both are false prophets; guided by greed and an insatiable appetite of consumption in an age which gave birth to the phenomenon we all suffer from today.

 Religion vs Commerce. The battle is not who will win? But that both will lose. And take down innocents we moderns familiarly call ‘collateral damage’.

 I still have reservations to DDL uttering the last line of the film ‘I am finished’. Does he know what he has done? Will Plainview ever know?

Anthnoy Minghella is no more. I saw his The English Patient, The Talented Mr.Ripley and an earlier film, his debut, called Truly, Madly, Deeply. He also made Cold Mountain which I have not seen. Only liked the later films. English Patient was grand, in scale and passions. The romance was scalding and the grand vision of the director is evident in every scene, shot and dialogue and yet after a while it over-whelmed, for the wrong reasons.

 Not so with Truly, Madly, Deepy. A small film that has its heart in its place. Alan Rickman, more famous as a villain plays a ghost who comes to inhabit the world after his death; and departs once he is sure that his beloved has found new love and moved on. A small gem on love, loss, longing and moving on.

 The Talented Mr. Ripley was his best (I have not seen Breaking and Entering). Jude Law, Matt Damon and Gwyneth Paltrow at their best. The age, the music, the easy charm of Law, the cold and ruthless Matt Damon, the sins, pleasures, guilt and helplessness of the characters will be an eternal pleasure.

 Mr. Minghella RIP

 Raghuvran

 Another from the film industry. This time it is in India. Raghuvaran first to prominence with Shiva – a violent take on the nexus between cops, criminals and politics set against a college environment. Raghuvaran was Bhavani – a brooding villain, dressed casually in jeans and an olive green shirt, carrying a hip-flask, watching cricket matches. His baritone made everybody swoon.

 He was , in fact, also noticed in Mani Ratnam’s ‘Anjali’ as a patient father to a kid who is battling cancer. He also got typecast, playing villains with the same mannerisms, but if Shiva worked – it was also because of Raghuvaran as Bhavani.

 Jai Bhavani

 Arthur C Clarke

 The sci-fi author who settled in Sri Lanka finally touched base with the high heavens he always wrote about. A visionary author who predicted commercial space travel and the use of satellites in communication, died wishing for a peaceful Sri Lanka, his adopted country.

 He is, of course, known to most of us for 2001: A Space Odyssey, the film that Stanley Kubrick made on the novel that Clarke wrote. In fact, it is based on Clarke’s short story called ‘The Sentinel’. The novel was published after the film, as both their developments progressed simultaneously.

 Clarke had 3 Laws, which are

    1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

    2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

    3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

 All RIP

These are spoken by Buddha. Not were. Always is.

The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.

There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.

I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?

Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.

It is better to travel well than to arrive.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

To understand everything is to forgive everything.

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.

You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself.

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.

 We shall close the beaches because they prompt us to wear swimsuits and swimsuits are provocative. They arouse our manly nature and then what can we do?

 We have to rape. Rape because the other is wearing a revealing costume. The other is drunk. The other is flirting. The other gave a come on signal and then backed out. The other was teasing. The other was winking. The other was showing a bit of leg. A bit of breast. A bit of shoulder. The other was arrogant. The other is a foreigner. The other is white. The other is black. The other is rich. The other is poor. The other speaks a different language. The other is a woman. The other is a boy. The other is a girl. The other is weak. The other deserved it. The other is an other. The other is not from my country. The other is not from my state. The other is not from my family. The other is not my brother. The other is not my sister. The other is a nobody.

 They will slap a case on Fiona also. How can you give your child independence? Didn’t you know that Goa has an underground drug culture. Don’t you also know that we are all in cahoots with the mafia. They can rape and kill people because they pay ‘protection money’ that helps us finance our election expenses. They pay us every day, every week, every month, every week. You will pay us indirectly, probably once in a lifetime. You are useless to us, but these criminals are always so…

 Why can’t they treat it as pure and simple crime? Catch the criminal(s) and then we can play the moral game. What does Mr. Digamabar Kamat think? That Fiona is not drowning in guilt – having left Scarlette in the custody of people she believed were friends and would look after her?

 What is Mr. Kamat saying – DON’T TRUST GOANS? We are not the feni-drinking-chilled-out-tolerant-Indians that you think we are. The victim is, by the concerted effort of police, politicians, administration and other officials, being turned into a monster mother who cared not for the daughter. THEREFORE she deserved whatever happened.

 Mr. Kamat – do you have a daughter or a son. A son or daughter, who likes a beer one hot day and is crossing the road and another drunk, riding a car, runs him over. He or she might meet destiny one day and people will hang you.

 Scarlette, people and police are saying, took drugs. That DOES NOT justify the act of her rape and murder? We are all humans, prone to mistakes and sins. Fiona will introspect and undertake penance.

 It is none of our business. It is between Fiona and her soul. As a civil society, we should catch the perpetrator(s) of this crime. They too shall, hopefully, undertake penance, suffer, and see the love, grace and benediction that saves us all. Let us not be partial. Let us not be blind to the crime that has been committed. We all know the story of the cross.

 No Victim. No Crime.

Paradise Lost. The dirge has been sung. The obituaries have been written. Scarlette’s death has cast a shadow on the happy sands of Goa. The hunting grounds of the hippies in the 60’s and 70’s and the rave capital of India in the 90’s is under assault. The calm of the Arabian Sea is blood splattered.

The doctors and cops have bungled. Cops in cahoots with the guilty tried to wash away the sin and failed because of the distraught mother’s determination to get to the bottom of the crime.

Now the 2^nd autopsy confirms that the 16 year old girl was assaulted and killed. Why can’t law enforcement officers follow the rule of the book? Is it because the victim was a foreigner? Would they have been as callous if she was an Indian? Unfortunately yes. In the battle between Us and Them, we will support us. In the battle between Us then we will support the locals. If the fight is limited to only the locals, then we will support the more powerful.

There is a ladder of bias that exists. Some would say it is invisible, but exists it does. All worldly dealings are maneuvered via this ladder of bias. There are various fields based on Nationality, Region, Caste, Status, Connections, Tribe, Language, Sex, Religion, Belief, Education etc.

My son’s crime is pardonable if it happens to someone else’s daughter. My son’s crime is pardonable even when it is against my own daughter because daughter’s are unwanted. Daughter’s can bear the attack. There is a list of justifications that miraculously take birth every second of our existence. Some say it is evolutionary. Expecting more from the human mind is almost a sin. Of course we survive because of our group affiliations and allegiance. That is how mankind has grown, learned and adapted. So Goans will favour Goans even if they rape minors and kill them. Maharashtrians will similarly support the locals who attack women dressed in western casual wear.

How can the locals be wrong? Local sin is no sin at all. Then we complain about justice? Then we complain about the death of God. Or the silence of the Gods.

India wins. Euphoria. Celebrations. Ecstasy. Madness. Patriotism. Revenge. Country. Poetic Justice. Hard work. Luck. Grit. Belief. Youth. Struggle. Adventure. Tables turned. Cricket - a funny game. Monkey. Racism. Honour. Ego. Satisfaction. Media. Pride. Hunt. Hunters. Prey. Victim. Attack. Sledging. Mental. Killer. Instinct. Survival. Tide. Bias. Decisions. Aggression. Over-confidence. Homecoming. Young Turks. Spirit. Daring. Chance. Risk. Possible. Impossible. Blood. Arrogance.

Relaince. PAY – UP. It’s been more than a month since they have failed to establish a Braoadband connection. The reasons are bizarre – their hi-tech instruments DO NOT WORK if there is any GREENERY or PALM TREES in front of the house. Their technology also is AVERSE to the presence of all BUILDINGS at least 200 feet from the premises. Talk of eco-friendly tehnology!!!

Well, the connection was not established. The agents who were undertakers (yes!) on behalf of Reliance – Vrushabh networks, promised a refund within 15 days (that’s already a month old). Repeated mails have gone unanswered. One member from Vrushabh (to give the devil his due) did send an email saying that the customer is waiting for a refund. That’s the end of the story. If the honest and conscientious Bosse/Managers at Reliance care to call, I have all the details, address, cheque Number etc for speedy redressal. Will they??

This is the era of out-sourcing. The head doesn’t know its arms; the arms its fingers; the fingers the knees; the knees the toes. The engineers don’t know the specifics of the house the agent had visited and seen the specifics. Why is nothing documented? It is whose word against whose? Where do 1 solitary individual go against an MNC that has enough money to run some poor countries. COMPLAIN. Where?

Consumer redressal is extant people say. Well, if Reliance and their agents think that a battle will not be fought, then they are mistaken.

Well, not so gentleman executives, this is how your company is earning its millions? By sitting on the hard – earned money of people who try to subscribe to your services and in the even of a failure on your part, you forget about the payments that you OWE to them.

Some good cheer now.

India won yesterday. As usual I missed most of the match. And following the age – old rules of superstition, the team won. The next time I decide to watch a cricket match and the team performs below par, I will condemn myself and indulge in various tricks, to convince myself that it’s my presence that is harming Team India’s prospects and the all-important victory depends on my continuing abstinence from front of the tv set.

A couple of friends who are working on bridging cultural gaps between India and Germany arrived are staying with us. The precision oriented Germans and the laidback Indians; couldn’t have been a greater contrast. Every day they hear stories of Germans in India, on work, who have many a horror story tell – about unpunctual Indians, casual attitudes to work, the growing arrogance of a developing country etc etc.

Our friends are in love with the country. They understand the nation and some of the reasons as to why India works the way it works. The reasons it evokes love, respect and frustration in equal measure. Therefore, probably, the desire to bridge the gap.

Our German friends were happy that Indians too suffer at the hands of Indians. The more powerful, the monied will always take the less powerful on a ride. Welcome to globalisation where it is not just the free movement of good and labour, but also of misery and tyranny.