The Horror! the Horror! September 12, 2007Posted by astralwicks in Demotivated, Desolate, Horror, india, inspiration, Joy, Life, Mediocre, Motivation, Office, Personal, Reflections, Sense of dread, Work.
Yesterday was just like another day. Another day for others. Not for me. For I was paralyzed, made immobile by an inexplicable force. I was at work, trying to work. And I was but…nothing good came of it. Not to me at least. The world saw me sitting in front of a computer, typing, googling, writing, trying to put words and phrases together so that sense can be manufactured.
Inside I was tossed about. A sense of dread permeated my entire body. I had no inclination to do anything. What I was doing got no respect. Some of it was good in fact, but that hardly made any difference. My work or other’s work…I had stopped caring.
What was I looking for excellence? Inspiration?
Demotivated. The word came hurtling to my ear drums. A colleague of mine said it. I felt electrocuted by the word. That word perfectly described my state of being. That depressed me even further. Why was a feeling this strange? Till yesterday everything was good. My cheque got delayed but I knew it could come. Spoke to family, friends, had a glass of wine. Forget yesterday everything was good even during the journey to the office.
Oh the horror the horror of it all. What does the heart or mind experience that pushes it to the depths of desolation? and are there any warning signs that one can read, take notice, be wary of and use them to prevent this attach of the dread?
Today I am fine again. Work is just about ok, probably mediocre, but I am not particularly offended by it. The people around me are the same, the office colors are the same. The world has not changed much. My mind has.