Exclusive Varun Tape Forensic Report April 2, 2009Posted by astralwicks in Bizarre, fun, hate, Humor, india, Indian Elections 2009, Personal, Politics, Polity, Random, Society, Writing.
Tags: Exclusive Varun Tape Forensic Report, forensic analysis of hate speech, varun gandhi hate speech, Varun hate speech report
Technical Committee on Lip Reading
The committee members are all watching the Varun Gandhi speech.
Peon comes with a plateful of samosas from Agrawal Sweets. Piping hot tea is also served. Some sealed and otherwise Bisleri bottles on tables.
Mr. Sharma: badhiya hai
Mr. Khan: KYA?
Sharma: arre samosa bhai
Mr. Khan: O.K
Khan: samosa baad main bhi khaya ja sakta hai Sharmaji.
The screening ends
Ms. Singh: aur ek baar dekhen?
Mr. Mukherjee: what is there to see? It is to HEAR?
Ms. Singh: so do you want to hear, Mr. Mukherjee?
Mr. Khan: NAHIN. Main is tauheen ko ek baar bhi nahin dohrana chahta. Saboot sabke saamne hai.
Mr. Sharma: Kyon Mr. Fernandes kya ye tape sach hai?
Mr. Fernandes: prima facie it looks true but…we will have to investigate further before reaching any conclusion because there is a possibility, however slight, that highly capable techno-savvy tech-terrorists, hell-bent on sowing the seeds of division in this great country of ours, and mind you there are quite a few of them, might have tampered so very subtly with the actual contents of this tape, pardon me CD, that what looks true might actually be way off the mark if not completely untrue, so I request patience from the gentlemen here and not to forget the women, how could I forget them that instead of asking me whether it is true or not they should ask – ‘Is it possible’?
Mr. Khan: Is it possible?
Mr. Fernandes: of course it is possible.
Ms. Singh: so what you are saying is that the evidence presented here – in this CD is false?
Mr. Fernandes: I didn’t say that, No.
Mr. Sharma: to phir aap kya bo rahe hain?
Mr. Mukherjee: tum gol gol ghumata hai humko. English humko bhi aata hai. I studied in the Presidency College before you were even born you…confuse karta hai. Kitna paisa diya tumko Sharma ne?
Sharma: Mujherjee babu, zabaan ko lagaam dijiye…
Ms. Singh: oh please…Sharmaji rehne dijiye na.
Mr. Sharma: hamari asmita ko thes pahuncha rahe hain aur aap hain ki
Mr. Khan: aur ye jo bol rahe hain?
Mr. Sharma: kaun kya bol raha hai?
Mr. Khan: yahi…inka to naam bhi nahin liya jaata…kya laajawaab bhasha hai
Mr. Sharma: dekhiye Khaansaab saabit ho jaane dijiye phir bechare par…
Ms. Barat: saabit…andhe hain aap? Forensic ka bahana aur nahin chalega. 10 saal lag jayenge lekin kuch pata nahin chalega.
Mr. Sharma: dekhiye ye haal to pura des ka hai. Ab jawaan khoon hai ladka bhi hai…ho gayi ghalti…chodiye na
Mr. Mukherjee: hum jaata hai…tum log samosa khao, baat karo, mera meeting hai…
Mr. Khan: to kya hua? Ye masla suljhana zaroori hai
Mukherjee sits down
Ms. Barat: Mr. Fernandes. Briefly – is it tampered or genuine?
Mr. Fernandes: you see Ms. B…
Ms. Barat takes out a gun from her handbag and fires in the air. Everybody is shocked and scared.
Mr. Sharma: arre asli hai Madam…
Ms. Barat: KYA?
Mr. Sharma: bandook!
Ms. Barat: NAHIN. Footage asli hai?
Mr. Khan: aap jaisa chahen mohtarma…hamien koi aitraaz nahin hai…
Ms. Singh: is this happening?
Mr. Mukherjee: aah! she is a true revolutionary!
Ms. Barat: FFOTAAAAAAAGE!
Mr. Fernandes: Madam it is genuine, true but you see in India we cannot punish even 1 innocent man…
Fernandes slumps to the table. Everybody is shocked. Fernandes they realize is dead!
Ms. Singh: now what?
Mr. Khan: agli taarikh kabki rakhein?
Mr. Mukherjee: mujhe kya…I don’t care…
Ms. Barat: bandook nakli thi…really see
Mr. Sharma: aap bhi na…khair phir milte hain. Khansaab aapko chhod doon?
Mr. Khan: bilkul, shukriya.