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India’s Parliament House Abandoned August 11, 2009

Posted by astralwicks in india, Musings, Opinion, Parliament, Personal, Random, terrorism.
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Due to various terrorist threats from LET, JEM, HUM, HUJI etc India has finally decided to abandon the hallowed precincts of the parliament house – so far the epicenter of Indian democracy.

A Presidential ordinance has decreed that henceforth whatever little Parliamentary work gets done (after the heckling, walkouts, absenteeism and discussion on the content of sleazy reality shows) will be outsourced to a friendly nation that is not under the threat of extremism. According to preliminary reports of various consultancy firms, the situation looks grim. There are very few nations they say that can pass such an impossible filter.

Arctic and Antarctic is too cold our hot-blooded M.P’s have announced and promptly denounced such plans made by a panel that largely comprised of M.P’s from the north, used to the cold.

Meanwhile the terror groups are disappointed at the sudden turnaround and according to unconfirmed reports, recruitment in LET, JEM has fallen because of the sudden lack of interesting international targets. The de-motivated cadre is being promised newer enemies.

The Parliament House is slated to be converted into a impregnable fortress that no Indian or foreigner can see, touch, admire or destroy.

Kasav is Pakistani January 7, 2009

Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, crime, india, nation, pakistan, Policy, Politics, State, terror, terrorism, World, Writing.
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9 comments

Kasab (Kasav) is Pakistani. In a roundabout manner the Pakistani government has accepted that the lone captured gunman of the 26th nov atttack on Mumbai/Bombay is indeed from their territory. After more than a month of denial and abrasive posturing the Pakistani government has found its 1st scapegoat. NSA chief Mahmud Ali Durrani has been sacked for making statements about Ajmal Kasav without the consultation of Prime Minister Gilani. 

Where will this lead? Does this mean th first signs of good intent from our neighbour? Or will it lead to more obfuscation? Only time will tell.

Will this acceptance lead to a momentous attitudinal shift in echelons of power in Pakistan? Will the weak government suddenly gain the balls to take on the well entrenched nexus between the rogue military, intelligence agencies and the militants? Will the civil society rally behind the government or is hatred of India too rooted and entrenched to even make them realize that opposing and uprooting terrorism is as much of a benefit to them as it to India and the region?

Before I run away astride my horse of romantic idealism lets touch base with reality – it is going to be a long and hard battle to reach thresholds of sanity. Probably a decade to undo the institutionalized terror networks; to weed out the silent sympathizers and to given birth to new relationships. 

Kasav could be the beginning. Will Pakistan take the opportunity?

Dear Pakistanis – a letter from India December 9, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in bizaree, Blogging, Hindu, india, Mass Media, Media, Muslim, nation, Opinion, pakistan, Personal, Politics, Random, State, strange, terrorism, World, Writing.
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17 comments

Dear All Pakistanis

Many wishes on Bakri Eid. On this auspicious day I would
like to get in touch with as many of my neighbour’s as possible, considering
that we don’t treat each other with a shred of respect or trust. That is an
over-statement. We do exchange liberals, pleasantries, sweets and cricket
for sure.

We also exchange a whole lot of artillery, bombs and hate.
Courtesy our history. Why to blame history? Why blame 1947 all the time. I have
stopped. How many generations have to die to forget the wounds of that horrible
partition? Nobody has any answers to that?

A little about India. Probably you know a lot
already, but here is a bit more.

We are all angry zealots here.

We have camps here where Hindu’s practice bombing Pakistnai
towns and cities.

The ambition of all rich and poor youngsters who practice in
these camps (yes wonder of wonders rich and poor together – the benefits of a
common enemy you see) here is to spread the saffron flag in all regions of the
world and popularize Hindu Gods all over this glorious earth

India
in fact is not a multi-religious country at all. The Indian STATE regularly
torments people of all other religions

Everyday numerous legions of people who profess a religion
other than Hindusim are slaughtered – the recent attack on churches in fact was
an aberration – what actually happened was – the Christians briefly gained guts
and started attacking the vandals – briefly – that’s the real story

The Indian Media is quite pathetic. It is controlled by a nexus of State/Capitalists/Hindus/Liberals – quite bizarre actually. Orwell himself approves of this combination

We are the most honest lot in the world. Period.

It is a corruption free country. Please check it out for
yourself.

Cricket is actually not that popular in the country. Nor is
Bollywood. All that is hype and projection.

There is peace everywhere in our land. No violence.
Absolutely.

The riots that happen in India are not because of social
tensions and exploitation by various power groups. It is because of deep,
extreme boredom amongst communities who then just do it…following the
empowering American mantra

Babri Masjid was actually not demolished by zealot Hindus.
It was the handiwork of non-state actors from…let me get back to you on this.

Dawood Ibrahim regularly plays cricket in front on his house
in central Mumbai. With the cops in fact.

I won’t go any further because I don’t think you will trust
me. But I am sure you will have your own sources to figure out what is true and
what is false. You will get all the ‘evidence’ needed to satiate your
inquisitive brain. Actually for you all of this is a no-brainer. Isn’t it?

Many wishes and all the best.

Love,

A deluded, chaotic, corrupt, violent, India. Hell, I said
it.

Exclusive Zardari, Gilani, Kiyani, Pasha, Qureshi Meeting Excerpts December 7, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, Government, india, Opinion, Personal, Politics, terror, terrorism, World, Writing.
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12 comments

President of Pakistan Mr. Zardari, chief of ISI Lt Gen Shuja Pasha, army chief Kiyani, foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi and Prime Minister Gilani have just seen Miss. Condoleeza Rice to the car.

Zardari, Gilani and Qureshi are waving at the disappearing car whereas Pasha and Kiyani are already walking back in.

Pasha: Mohtarma chali gayi par inka khauff…

Kiyani: Mulk main tangi hai par inki tafri kabhie khatm nahin hoti.

Zardari and Gilani walk back towards them.

Zardari: I had told you Gilli that she will believe me. She trusts me.

Qureshi: yes she does. You are a charmer sir I tell you.

Gilani: Janab mujhe shaq hai ki unhe shaq hai.

Zardari: shaq is not enough miyan…you need proof. Like they say the proof is in the pudding. Where is the pudding?

Dressed waiters rush towards the men and all of them taste it.

All: wah wah. Masha allah!

They have many a round and finally look satiated. They sit around lush surroundings watching more reportage from India.

Zardari: now?

Everybody waits.

Zardari: o.k. We will see.

He walks off. The others also go their separate ways.

Zardari reaches his room and his phone rings.

Zardari: hello

Gilani: Janab kahin jang chid gayi to?

Zardari: Nonsense. India will never attack us.

Gilani: kyon janab?

Zardari: blackmail. Nuclear warfare. Indians are too responsible for their own good. Unhe yakeen hai ki hamare mulk main itne bad-dimaag log hain ki koi bhi, kabhie bhi wo lal button daba dega.

Gilani: sahi sochte hain?

Zardari: isi ka fayda ham uthayenge. Ghabrao mat Gilli, Manmohan is a nice man…he won’t do it. Good pudding, what say?

He cuts the line; falls on the bed and dozes off. Benazir smiles from the wall.

A piercing ring wakes Zardari. It is the phone. That ring is reserved only for the President of the USA.

Zardari thinks for a while, a long while and then picks it up and gives the best accent possible.

Zardari: Mr. President.

Bush: Shut up

Zardari: but, Mr.

Bush: shut up or my drone is nearby. I will bomb your palace, really.

Zardari: you are harsh sir.

Bush: who did it?

Zardari: Mr. President, now really, we, I mean, how would I know?

Bush: how do I know?

Zardari: what do you mean? You know? How do you know?

Bush: should I bomb you?

Zardari: who did it Mr. President?

Bush: you know I used to think that I am the smartest guy around but you guys are the best, really. You are probably the most irresponsible country in the world and you get world bank loans.

Zardari: thank you Mr. President.

Bush: catch them.

Zardari: catch whom Mr….

Bush: SHUT UP you As…

Silence. More silence.

Bush: o.k don’t piss me off anymore. Catch those bearded bastards. LET, JEM, ABCD whatever.

Zardari: but sir, they didn’t

Bush bangs the phone down.

Zardari is left with the receiver in his hands. He looks around, sighs and looks at the Benazir portrait looking at him.

Zardari: this is the mess I am supposed to clean. Why did you die?

Zardari makes a call

Zardari: Qureshi all of them in 10 minutes.

Qureshi, Kiyani, Pasha and Gilani are in the conference room.

Pasha: ab kya hua?

Kiyani: mujhe aur bhi kaam hain.

Gilani: sabr kariye

Both of them shoot a glance at him and then start laughing.

Gilani and Qureshi exchange glances but are unable to do anything. Zardari walks into the laughter.

Zardari: oh…people are in great spirits here. So, shall we begin? Yes?

Everybody nods.

Zardari: who did it?

Silence.

Zardari: let me repeat myself…who did it?

Silence.

Zardari: urdu main fermaata hoon. Kisne kiya?

Kiyani: kya?

Zardari: Mumbai.

Silence.

Zardari: Abhi phone aaya tha America se. Unhe bhi pata hai. Kisne kiya hai?

Kiyani: janaab honge koi. Hamein kya?

Zardari: kisne kiya? Miyan Pasha aap bahut chup chap hain? Apni rai to farmaye.

Pasha: mujhe lagta hai unke apne log, ya to army ya to kaafiron ka kya bharosa. Malegaon ko dohraya gaya hai janaab.

Zardari stares at him.

Gilani: wo aisa kyon karenge?

Kiyani: hamare Pak aur bedaag daaman ko badnaam karne ke liye, aur kya?

Zardari: ho sakta hai. Bilkul ho sakta hai. Par aisa hai nahin. To phir kisne kiya hai? Lashkar?

Pasha: saazish hai janaab. Kaafiron ki saazish hai. Aur koi saboot bhi to nahin hai. Sirf yakeen aur daawon se kya hota hai.

Zardari: Mohtarma Rice ke file shaayad aapne nahin padha.

Pasha: janaab file se kya hota hai. Saboot chahiye. Pukhta saboot.

Zardari: jo pakda gaya uska kya?

Kiyani: uska kuch nahin janaab.

Gilani: saari duniya ham par shaq karti karti hai.

Pasha: duniya ko chodiye janaab.

Qureshi: it is getting difficult you see

Pasha: urdu main farmayenge?

Qureshi: janaab pressure badhta ja raha hai.

Kiyani: to?

BEAT

Pasha: Pakistan is not involved – ye line dohrate rahiye. Isse asaan kaam aur kya ho sakta hai?

Kiyani: na to aap front pe goliyon ka shikaar ho rahe hain aur na hi jubaani jung lad sakte hain. Aap is mulk ke kis kaam ke? Oxford ki taleem kab kaam aayegi janaab? Apne saaf lehje main muskuraate hue kehna hai – Pakistan is not involved bas…

BEAT

Zardari: shabaash Kiyani. Wah mere cheete!

Zardari goes to Kiyani and pinches his cheek.

Zardari: like that Abhishek Bachchan ad ‘what an idea sirji’. Wah wah. I have got it.

Everybody waits.

Gilani: janaab hamein bhi batay.

Zardari: hum…yani ke hum log yani ki Pakistani government ka Mumbai haadsa se koi lena dena nahi hai.

Qureshi: sir…er…janaab hum to pehle se yahi kehte aa rahe hain…

Zardari: farq hai. Pehle hum kehte the ki koi bhi Pakistani involved nahi hai – RIGHT?

All shake their head.

Zardari: ab hum kahenge ki Pakistani hukmuran yani ki government yani ki hum Bambai haadson ke liye zimmevar nahin hain. Kyon?

All think for a while.

Kiyani: iska matlab hai ki Pakistani Army zimmevar ho sakti hai?

Zardari: bilkul.

Pasha: ISI bhi.

Zardari: bilkul.

Gilani: par hamari army ye tohmat kyon le janaab jab wo begunaah hain?

Zardari: begunaah? Come on general. Tell them.

Gilani is surprised.

Kiyani: maaf kijiyega.

Kiyani walks to the side. It is an aside. Zardari joins him.

Kiyani: main kuch samjha nahin?

Zardari: aapko kya lagta hai ki main paagal hoon?

Kiyani: ji nahin…

Zardari: mere paas pukhta suboot hain. Saari duniya ke paas pukhta suboot hain? Aapko pata tha?

Kiyani is silent.

Kiyani: janaab mujhe sharminda kar rahe hain.

Zardari: aapko pata tha.

He joins the others, Kiyani follows

Zardari: to Qureshi…you know what to say. Aap kahenge ki ‘hamari…yani ki Government ki khabar main ye baat aati to hum Hindustan ki sarkar ko khabar karte aur ye haada na hota.’

Pasha: aap hum par tohmat laga rahe hain janaab?

Zardari: bilkul nahin. Aap par ilzaam laga kar mujhe marna hai kya…begum ki tarah.

Pasha: Janaab naaraaz hain?

Qureshi: sir…sir…Dawood ka kya karen?

Pasha: kuch nahin.

Gilani: hamein kuch to karna chahiye?

Pasha: kyon karen janaab…humne jab kuch kiya hi nahin.

Zardari: ENOUGH. Humne kuch nahin kiya. Bambai main blast hua hi nahin. Hamare mulk main koi terrorsits nahin, na hi training camps, na hi LET, na hi JEM…na hi Dawood, na hi Sayeed, na hi Muzammil…ye sab kaafiron ki saazish thi…BJP ki kahein to behtar hoga…elections ke liye…ya to keh dijiye ki aanewaali koi Bollywood film ke liye shooting practice thi.

Zardari walks off.

Patil Out, Pakistan Next November 30, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, Death, Governance, india, Life, Opinion, pakistan, Personal, Politics, protest, terrorism, urban terror, World, Writing.
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12 comments

Finally, Mr. Shivraj Patil has put in his papers. Or, as the gossip goes, he was asked by the party president Mrs. Gandhi to. It’s a sad state of affairs that even for relinquishing that thankless post that the entire nation now equates with inefficiency he couldn’t follow his conscience, but had to be asked. Will efficiency henceforth be the criteria for appointments or loyalty, your guess is as good as mine.

Pakistan next. India is on the verge of suspending the ceasefire on it western and northern borders. India should also suspend all trade, bus and air routes to this nation that is absolutely shameless. No wonder its people suffer from the rulers that they get. No cricket. No exchange during Id or Diwali. We are your enemies. You see us as enemies and so shall we. Tough international sanctions must be imposed on this wolf in a sheeps clothing, crying hoarse that they are victims of terror. Manmohan Singh believed this spiel. So did Advani and Atal and were back stabbed by Kargil. Still we believe the the janus in nexus – the administration and the military.

There is a time for peace and unfortunately a time for more stringent measures if not war. A lot depends on how the politicians and political parties. RR Patil must be prosecuted for his statements. How insensitive and callous can the deputy chief minister of Maharashtra get? He is congratulating himself and government for saving the lives of roughly 4650 people as according to his estimates 5000 dead was the target of the terrorists.

Will Vilasrao still continue to be the chief minister to keep other regional satraps out of power. Or will a person with a vision for the state, its people and one who understands the extra-ordinary role that Mumbai plays be allowed to ascend the chair.

I am sure other than some cosmetic measures nothing much will change. The current rage should not dissipate. I went to a citizines initiative in the morning today where people couldn’t come to a conclusion as to the route to be adopted. There are ANGER marches being planned against the government,  both at the center and the state. Most are frustrated with the apathy all around. Will peaceful pressure by numbers of Indian citizens have an impact on the politicians?

If not taken notice, one day it might not be peaceful any more.

Blase is the Way October 30, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in Anger, india, Life, Opinion, Persona, Random, rant, terrorism, World, Writing.
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2 comments

Hey, there has been another one today. I think its time we understand what ‘one’ means. We all know we are not talking about another day of rioting, looting, arson or murder by MNS or hooligans affiliated to other organizations.

I am also not talking about the double hundreds scored by 2 Indian batsmen against Australia – on the same day, in the same test. Did it happen you would turn back and ask? I am talking about the precise orchestration that led to 11 or 12 post – diwali explosions in Assam.

Blasé, you might accuse. Inhuman you will allege. Insensitive you will assert. How simple it is to move on for you people. The young, impatient generation. You who seek fun, frolic, pleasure, instant gratification and then move on. You are careless and callous.

I am scared coming out of the house. I hate crowds. I dislike the fake sense of security that people shroud themselves in and step out. I know it might be waiting for me at any corner. Somebody’s anger is waiting for me. Somebody’s dissatisfaction, poverty, rage, injustice will meet me any uninformed instant and shred me to pieces. Even my mother, back in Jamshedpur, doesn’t warm me nowadays. Both my parents used to repeat – don’t be in a crowd, avoid the malls or festivals.

1 day she said, how does it matter? You might take all the precaution but…we both left the sentence midway, incomplete…trusting in fate or god or whatever to take care of our insecurities.

Will we get used to being scared. Where the mind is without fear, I had read. Freedom will bestow fearlessness I thought, nay, I was sure. And then the world changed around me. Punjab was too far and I was too young. Similarly Jammu and Kashmir. So was the Bog Apple. But not Mumbai. Nowadays the fear follows you…like the plot of a Hollywood potboiler. What has also come true is that the cheesy byline – you can run but cannot hide. Welcome to nowhere in particular.

Of course there is no terrorism October 24, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, india, Opinion, Politics, rant, Society, terrorism, World, Writing.
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We all sit on our high horses. Because of what we are, where we are coming from and where we are going. Because of our color, education and power. Yesterday Gopinath Munde, said very confidently – “Hindus can never be terrorists”. He went on to say that there is historical evidence to back this. He never heard of 30th January 1948.

This is against the backdrop of the Maharashtra ATS saying that they have evidence of a fringe Hindu group’s involvement in the Malegaon blast. Today’s TOI also has a front page report about the same. And people are aghast. Not all thankfully but politicians and parties who have manipulated the fear of the commoner to create a schism on the basis of religion, in this case Munde’s parent, the BJP, are up in arms.

Hindus are cow – milk drinking pacifists. We don’t kill, we are not affected by partisanship, we are always fair and square and best we don’t subscribe to the human emotion called – revenge.

They are scared that an admission will make them lesser mortals – bring them in line with the other – the other who is reviled and looked down upon; the other who is a terrorist spreading death and destruction.

If there are no differences that means we are all human or rather all too human. That some people are good and some people are bad. Some of us are weak and some are tempted and can be swayed to the other side by stronger individuals. All of in the end are just like the other.

One must say thank the much reviled cops who followed the leads and instead of burying the time bomb came out with the information that these guys and girls are Hindus. Some Hindus are tired of Shivraj Patil’s bandhgallas and pontification and took revenge against Islamic terrorism. One day or the other it is bound to happen. There are enough young impressionable fanatics in all religion who can be brainwashed into doing a stupid act. If Pragya Singh is one of them then she has to bear the consequences just like others criminals.

There are always bad apples Mr Munde. Accept it and punish them. Goa authorities denied that Scarlette was raped and murdered; Gopinath now says that Hindus can’t be terrorists. Muslim intellectuals say that a terrorist cannot be a muslim; the new year molestors a couple of years back were about to be pardoned because they were locals; Shiv Sena earlier and now MNS can get away with murder (in fact they have) because they are locals; after the Bhajji vs Symonds episode the perverse righteousness that Indians cannot be racists – come again you liars who advertise for fair skinned brides and grooms! Is India the capital for apologists of all kinds?

And why is terrorism only when a couple of buildings are blown or an RDX bomb explodes? Who is defining it? Or does a violent act become terror only when an X number of innocent people are dead in a battle with a state and its ideology?

Aren’t we all missing the point here?

It is simple – a crime has been committed. Evidence points in a particular direction. Prove and punish.

How can we be so corrupt?

Are Indian Cops Braindead? May 21, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in crime, india, Politics, terrorism.
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15 comments

Two unrelated but gruesome crimes of the past fortnight throw some interesting light. The Jaipur bomb blast and the murder of Arushi Talwar in Noida (UP) are prime case studies of police ineptitude.

The Jaipur blast is a terrorist attack. Doesn’t matter who did it. After the Jaipur blast, the NSG (National Security Guards) was rushed to the city. The local cop there said that RDX, at least a KG, according to him was used in the blast. Within hours of the blast news channels were of the opinion that ammonium nitrate was used. They also found 1 bomb that didn’t go off. RDX, it was again announced. Now after a week, the NSG says that RDX was not the prime component…it was ammonium nitrate!

Why do they have to shoot their mouths so quickly? Sometimes my meager mind thinks that it’s all a grand strategy to throw the terrorists off-track. To confuse and capture or some such brilliant move on the part of our much misunderstood and criticized cops. But no, they stand true to their standards of inefficiency.

The cops also released sketches of the supposed perpetrators. None of them matched with the descriptions given by shopkeepers who had sold them cycles, the vehicle for the blasts. The sketches have been done and re-done thrice. The cops are now saying that this time they have called in ‘experts’!!! Why weren’t the experts called for so long? And pray when will they be used? What are they doing if not drawing sketches of perpetrators of a terrorist attack?

Who is the amateur here? Not the terrorists for sure. They do reconnaissance, plant their weapons and disappear. Our cops are twiddling their thumbs. These guys are professional and motivated with a zeal…to harm people. Are we motivated to prevent and failing which to catch them. I don’t think so. It looks like a spoof, a la, Pink Panther.

Similar stupidity with the Arushi Talwar murder case. After her body was discovered the cops announced a missing servant to be the prime suspect. A day later an ex-cop visits the victim’s house, finds hand imprints on the wall which leads to the terrace, where the missing servant’s body is lying.

The recent Chandigarh murder care has a similar modus operandi…on the police’s part. Blame the missing servant. This time it was even funnier. The Punjab cops announced that a body discovered close by was of the servant (exact reverse of the Noida case). A day later…voila, he resurfaces.

Do we have something called Forensic experts? It doesn’t seem like that. There is one in Hyderabad. For a country with a billion strong population under the weight of terrorism and other social crimes, there is 1 recognized crime lab! What are people thinking in this country? For the Scarlette Keeling murder case, her viscera was sent to Hyderabad and Bombay because Goa has no specialized lab.

We have the centuries old excuse on our side…India is a poor country. Can’t afford roads, water, electricity, health, social benefits. Who will believe this any more? In the year of Mayawati in UP there have been almost 500 cases of rape, murder and assault on the Dalits, the people she ostensibly represents. It tells a tale that is too obvious. We don’t care.

Countries spend billions to make nuclear arsenals…all in the name of deterrence. The lack of infrastructure, zeal and corruption does just one thing…provides inspiration to the criminal…wannabe and professional.

Terror Terror on the Wall…Who is the Worst of All May 14, 2008

Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, fear, india, Life, Places, Political, Politics, terrorism, Writing.
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2 comments

The pink city of Jaipur was the target of terrorists yesterday. More than 60 people are reported killed and many are still battling for survival. I too went into panic for certain personal reasons. Otherwise I would have been a couch potato, cannibalizing on the thousand ‘breaking news’ scrolls and second to second increases in the death toll. I was scared to know the news yesterday.

Today Jaipur is under curfew as a precautionary measure. There will be enquiries and assessments. In the midst of all the tragedy 1 question came up time and again – why Jaipur? Personally, I think it is the dumbest question I have ever heard. Why Jaipur? Jaipur – doesn’t that provide an answer in itself? It is probably the most important tourist destination in India. Whoever lands in India goes to the city. Well, almost.

All such places are potential targets. What do people think? That the gentle neighbourhood terrorist will give such places a go-by? That they will be busy targeting Bombay (I as a rule will never write it as Mumbai; thank you Thackeray’s) Delhi and other Metros?

Common sense dictates that emerging cities become tomorrow’s targets. Why the surprise? What have we done? We don’t have a history of communal violence, we are peaceful, we are simple…such self-pity is playing into the terrorist’s hands.

We all are under threat. I spoke to my father in the morning today. He ordered me to not board the crowded Bombay local trains, avoid the buses; to take the auto or cab and to stay away from all crowds. I said yes to all, all the time wondering how childish he was being. Loving no doubt, but as the rules were being laid down I realized immediately that no one and nothing is safe. We are susceptible to attacks everywhere – at a bus stop, in an auto, outside a mall, at the temple. We are all possible victims of collateral damage.

Metros, small towns, villages, nothing is safe. I sound like a doomsday theorist, but it is true. They can strike anywhere. Does hate argue with pity? Does it share the bed with sympathy, reason, love, and understanding? No. We are numbers, statistics – the more the merrier, helpless the better.

It’s a wonder we are all living…with so many weapons and so many stupid brains to use them. So salute, this might be the last. Carpe diem, for who knows…