I Con June 24, 2009Posted by astralwicks in beauty, Bollywood, india, People, Politics, Racism, Random, Writing.
Tags: John Abraham endorsing skin whitening cream, Sonam Kapoor endorsing skin whitening cream
They are young. They are successful. They are articulate. They are icons.
Sonam Kapoor, the effervescent and nonchalantly retro-charmer of a girl and John Abraham epitomising bulging muscles and quiet dignity both endorse ‘fairness creams’.
Why would 2 seemingly intelligent people of this generation who spout socially conscious sentences at every journalistic intrusion do this? The obvious answer is money. That ancient temptation that has scorched us has beaten us once again.
And yet we tut tut ad nauseum at the attacks in Australia and anywhere else. When city bred youth, ironically in a profession that pays obeisance only at the altar of beauty thereby revealing its illusory transience, cannot take a stance against a skin whitening cream, what hope do we have from people who we say are mired in centuries old superstition.
Endorsing colas is almost divine.
Comeback May 22, 2009Posted by astralwicks in india, Indian Elections, Opinion, Personal, Politics, Random, World, Writing.
Tags: common indian, common man of india, season of comebacks, the indian voter
The comeback. It’s always difficult. Far too many examples around us to not see its relevance and I should add, the difficulty, if not the impossibility.
What should I write on? I had missed the most important and self-sustaining of all – the Indian Elections. Similarly with IPl.
Work takes a toll. I try to be the dedicated blogger – scouring my life and its elements to give me enough inspiration to forget that I am tired and and put some words to all the ideas. But I fail.
Coming back to the comeback theme. Ask Congress or BJP or Manmohan or Advani or Rahul or Prabhakaran.
Who would have thought that Mr. Singh will get what he got? Who would have given Rahul G the foresight to change the tables in UP. Was Advani or the BJP over-confident? All of them wanted the grand comeback. To register themselves on the consciousness of the nation, but…
Prabhakjaran the man whom the cats envied finally ran out of lives. He thought that violence or his kind of violence will be greater than the miliraty/state violence of Sri Lanka but paid the ultimate price. Perhaps peace making a comeback his with death.
What does the comeback entail? Prescience or luck?
We of course can read the winds of change or status quo. We of course are also blinded by our own prejudices to either be indifferent to it or reject it outright. We of course being blinded read it any which way we like.
Some thought that strength is because of aggression, violence. And paid the price. That to if you reject one you automatically open the doors to the opposite. And failed on both counts.
Aam Aadmi or the Common Man or Woman – was it this much neglected entity who made a quiet comeback? Neglected, a lower citizen, perenially a seasonal electoral favourite it was this X factor that made a comeback – surprising everyone.
They pushed the youth, they sidelined violence and hate, rewarded the meek, silent one and tried to strike a balance – a middle path. It too shall be rocky. So lets hang on.
Aliens Exist April 12, 2009Posted by astralwicks in Aliens, Bizarre, india, manifesto, Opinion, Politics, strange, Writing.
Tags: Indian Election 2009 promises, Is This True, Samajwadi Party Manifesto, SP manifesto 2009, strange but ture, Strange Election Promises
A long long time ago, tucked in the winter bed in Jamshedpur, I wondered – do Aliens exist? There of course was no answer. Parents, teachers, friends, elder siblings none had an answer. A few years later, now an adult, I thought probably gods were aliens. They ruled on earth and then slowly abandoned earth in their technologically advanced ‘pushpak vihanas’.
Yesterday I got the answer. Aliens do exist. And they are amongst us!! They reared their oh so common and innocent heads once again. Normally you would not be able to identify them. NO. They have 1 head, 2 eyes etc but…
They want to ban computers
Ban premium English schools
Ban agricultural equipment
Banning Mall culture
No share trading
Yes. This is the Samajwadi Party speaking to you. We want to build a new society ladies and gentlemen. Hark, hark – oh idiot Indians. Don’t mind the abuse for ‘IDIOT’ is in fact just the opposite. Just like our manifesto.
Please vote for me because I am going to take you back a few centuries back. Return to Nature is the key. We shall use bullock carts and increase acreage. We shall send our children to the most expensive english schools but your kids can go to hell.
We shall keep you poor, backward, helpless, illiterate, divided and year after year we shall come and ask for votes. Every year we shall create a new enemy – Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Brahmins, Thakurs, Educated, Urbanites, Biharis, Locals…
And you being the same miserable lot 5 years back will again fall for me – because I will at least help you survive – by throwing my largesse at you.
I will not let you be strong, independent, capable and efficient. You might dethrone me. I am the new Raja.
These are the people asking for our votes. Brazen anti-humanists who are impinging on our collective rights to live in an equal society.
At least now I know.
Exclusive Varun Tape Forensic Report April 2, 2009Posted by astralwicks in Bizarre, fun, hate, Humor, india, Indian Elections 2009, Personal, Politics, Polity, Random, Society, Writing.
Tags: Exclusive Varun Tape Forensic Report, forensic analysis of hate speech, varun gandhi hate speech, Varun hate speech report
Technical Committee on Lip Reading
The committee members are all watching the Varun Gandhi speech.
Peon comes with a plateful of samosas from Agrawal Sweets. Piping hot tea is also served. Some sealed and otherwise Bisleri bottles on tables.
Mr. Sharma: badhiya hai
Mr. Khan: KYA?
Sharma: arre samosa bhai
Mr. Khan: O.K
Khan: samosa baad main bhi khaya ja sakta hai Sharmaji.
The screening ends
Ms. Singh: aur ek baar dekhen?
Mr. Mukherjee: what is there to see? It is to HEAR?
Ms. Singh: so do you want to hear, Mr. Mukherjee?
Mr. Khan: NAHIN. Main is tauheen ko ek baar bhi nahin dohrana chahta. Saboot sabke saamne hai.
Mr. Sharma: Kyon Mr. Fernandes kya ye tape sach hai?
Mr. Fernandes: prima facie it looks true but…we will have to investigate further before reaching any conclusion because there is a possibility, however slight, that highly capable techno-savvy tech-terrorists, hell-bent on sowing the seeds of division in this great country of ours, and mind you there are quite a few of them, might have tampered so very subtly with the actual contents of this tape, pardon me CD, that what looks true might actually be way off the mark if not completely untrue, so I request patience from the gentlemen here and not to forget the women, how could I forget them that instead of asking me whether it is true or not they should ask – ‘Is it possible’?
Mr. Khan: Is it possible?
Mr. Fernandes: of course it is possible.
Ms. Singh: so what you are saying is that the evidence presented here – in this CD is false?
Mr. Fernandes: I didn’t say that, No.
Mr. Sharma: to phir aap kya bo rahe hain?
Mr. Mukherjee: tum gol gol ghumata hai humko. English humko bhi aata hai. I studied in the Presidency College before you were even born you…confuse karta hai. Kitna paisa diya tumko Sharma ne?
Sharma: Mujherjee babu, zabaan ko lagaam dijiye…
Ms. Singh: oh please…Sharmaji rehne dijiye na.
Mr. Sharma: hamari asmita ko thes pahuncha rahe hain aur aap hain ki
Mr. Khan: aur ye jo bol rahe hain?
Mr. Sharma: kaun kya bol raha hai?
Mr. Khan: yahi…inka to naam bhi nahin liya jaata…kya laajawaab bhasha hai
Mr. Sharma: dekhiye Khaansaab saabit ho jaane dijiye phir bechare par…
Ms. Barat: saabit…andhe hain aap? Forensic ka bahana aur nahin chalega. 10 saal lag jayenge lekin kuch pata nahin chalega.
Mr. Sharma: dekhiye ye haal to pura des ka hai. Ab jawaan khoon hai ladka bhi hai…ho gayi ghalti…chodiye na
Mr. Mukherjee: hum jaata hai…tum log samosa khao, baat karo, mera meeting hai…
Mr. Khan: to kya hua? Ye masla suljhana zaroori hai
Mukherjee sits down
Ms. Barat: Mr. Fernandes. Briefly – is it tampered or genuine?
Mr. Fernandes: you see Ms. B…
Ms. Barat takes out a gun from her handbag and fires in the air. Everybody is shocked and scared.
Mr. Sharma: arre asli hai Madam…
Ms. Barat: KYA?
Mr. Sharma: bandook!
Ms. Barat: NAHIN. Footage asli hai?
Mr. Khan: aap jaisa chahen mohtarma…hamien koi aitraaz nahin hai…
Ms. Singh: is this happening?
Mr. Mukherjee: aah! she is a true revolutionary!
Ms. Barat: FFOTAAAAAAAGE!
Mr. Fernandes: Madam it is genuine, true but you see in India we cannot punish even 1 innocent man…
Fernandes slumps to the table. Everybody is shocked. Fernandes they realize is dead!
Ms. Singh: now what?
Mr. Khan: agli taarikh kabki rakhein?
Mr. Mukherjee: mujhe kya…I don’t care…
Ms. Barat: bandook nakli thi…really see
Mr. Sharma: aap bhi na…khair phir milte hain. Khansaab aapko chhod doon?
Mr. Khan: bilkul, shukriya.
A for Violence – The New Panacea January 29, 2009Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, general, History, india, karnatak, Opinion, Politics, violence, Writing.
Tags: attack on women in mangalore, attacks in india, indian role models, karnatak violence, mangalore pub attack, violence in india
Ma, Pa look at that brave man. He attacks and gets away. Only 40 criminal cases against him. So cool. So successful. He waves at crowds ma. He has followers pa. I want to be like him. Even the cops don’t touch him. Why are you not like him Pa. So brave. So rough and tough. I will become like him.
Things people do to stop pub / western / new culture. Gehlot, Yedyurappa and Muthalik all are custodians now. We have parents, teachers, principals, police and the State…all telling us what is right. UNILATERALLY.
If I don’t listen, then I should be prepared to be.
b) be molested
c) or be bannned
Meanwhile Shiv Sena, MNS, Bajraj Dal belive that what is life without a bit of destruction of public and private property.
Have a problem. Have to protest. Want a solution.Then…
Break. Attack. Destroy. Set Fire.
Collateral damage. Who cares? Must have slipped on a banana peel, the idiot.
We have absolutely the best teachers & role models for the children of India.
Kasav is Pakistani January 7, 2009Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, crime, india, nation, pakistan, Policy, Politics, State, terror, terrorism, World, Writing.
Tags: Ajmal Kasav, Durrani sacked, India and terrorism, Kasav, Pakistan NSA chief sacked, Paksitan a terrorist state
Kasab (Kasav) is Pakistani. In a roundabout manner the Pakistani government has accepted that the lone captured gunman of the 26th nov atttack on Mumbai/Bombay is indeed from their territory. After more than a month of denial and abrasive posturing the Pakistani government has found its 1st scapegoat. NSA chief Mahmud Ali Durrani has been sacked for making statements about Ajmal Kasav without the consultation of Prime Minister Gilani.
Where will this lead? Does this mean th first signs of good intent from our neighbour? Or will it lead to more obfuscation? Only time will tell.
Will this acceptance lead to a momentous attitudinal shift in echelons of power in Pakistan? Will the weak government suddenly gain the balls to take on the well entrenched nexus between the rogue military, intelligence agencies and the militants? Will the civil society rally behind the government or is hatred of India too rooted and entrenched to even make them realize that opposing and uprooting terrorism is as much of a benefit to them as it to India and the region?
Before I run away astride my horse of romantic idealism lets touch base with reality – it is going to be a long and hard battle to reach thresholds of sanity. Probably a decade to undo the institutionalized terror networks; to weed out the silent sympathizers and to given birth to new relationships.
Kasav could be the beginning. Will Pakistan take the opportunity?
Dear Pakistanis – a letter from India December 9, 2008Posted by astralwicks in bizaree, Blogging, Hindu, india, Mass Media, Media, Muslim, nation, Opinion, pakistan, Personal, Politics, Random, State, strange, terrorism, World, Writing.
Tags: 26/11 mumbai terror attacks, crazy india, Eid Mubarak, from India with love, Letter to Pakistan
Dear All Pakistanis
Many wishes on Bakri Eid. On this auspicious day I would
like to get in touch with as many of my neighbour’s as possible, considering
that we don’t treat each other with a shred of respect or trust. That is an
over-statement. We do exchange liberals, pleasantries, sweets and cricket
We also exchange a whole lot of artillery, bombs and hate.
Courtesy our history. Why to blame history? Why blame 1947 all the time. I have
stopped. How many generations have to die to forget the wounds of that horrible
partition? Nobody has any answers to that?
A little about India. Probably you know a lot
already, but here is a bit more.
We are all angry zealots here.
We have camps here where Hindu’s practice bombing Pakistnai
towns and cities.
The ambition of all rich and poor youngsters who practice in
these camps (yes wonder of wonders rich and poor together – the benefits of a
common enemy you see) here is to spread the saffron flag in all regions of the
world and popularize Hindu Gods all over this glorious earth
in fact is not a multi-religious country at all. The Indian STATE regularly
torments people of all other religions
Everyday numerous legions of people who profess a religion
other than Hindusim are slaughtered – the recent attack on churches in fact was
an aberration – what actually happened was – the Christians briefly gained guts
and started attacking the vandals – briefly – that’s the real story
The Indian Media is quite pathetic. It is controlled by a nexus of State/Capitalists/Hindus/Liberals – quite bizarre actually. Orwell himself approves of this combination
We are the most honest lot in the world. Period.
It is a corruption free country. Please check it out for
Cricket is actually not that popular in the country. Nor is
Bollywood. All that is hype and projection.
There is peace everywhere in our land. No violence.
The riots that happen in India are not because of social
tensions and exploitation by various power groups. It is because of deep,
extreme boredom amongst communities who then just do it…following the
empowering American mantra
Babri Masjid was actually not demolished by zealot Hindus.
It was the handiwork of non-state actors from…let me get back to you on this.
Dawood Ibrahim regularly plays cricket in front on his house
in central Mumbai. With the cops in fact.
I won’t go any further because I don’t think you will trust
me. But I am sure you will have your own sources to figure out what is true and
what is false. You will get all the ‘evidence’ needed to satiate your
inquisitive brain. Actually for you all of this is a no-brainer. Isn’t it?
Many wishes and all the best.
A deluded, chaotic, corrupt, violent, India. Hell, I said
Exclusive Zardari, Gilani, Kiyani, Pasha, Qureshi Meeting Excerpts December 7, 2008Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, Government, india, Opinion, Personal, Politics, terror, terrorism, World, Writing.
Tags: ISI & Pakistani Army, neighbours, Pakistani response to 26/11 attacks
President of Pakistan Mr. Zardari, chief of ISI Lt Gen Shuja Pasha, army chief Kiyani, foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi and Prime Minister Gilani have just seen Miss. Condoleeza Rice to the car.
Zardari, Gilani and Qureshi are waving at the disappearing car whereas Pasha and Kiyani are already walking back in.
Pasha: Mohtarma chali gayi par inka khauff…
Kiyani: Mulk main tangi hai par inki tafri kabhie khatm nahin hoti.
Zardari and Gilani walk back towards them.
Zardari: I had told you Gilli that she will believe me. She trusts me.
Qureshi: yes she does. You are a charmer sir I tell you.
Gilani: Janab mujhe shaq hai ki unhe shaq hai.
Zardari: shaq is not enough miyan…you need proof. Like they say the proof is in the pudding. Where is the pudding?
Dressed waiters rush towards the men and all of them taste it.
All: wah wah. Masha allah!
They have many a round and finally look satiated. They sit around lush surroundings watching more reportage from India.
Zardari: o.k. We will see.
He walks off. The others also go their separate ways.
Zardari reaches his room and his phone rings.
Gilani: Janab kahin jang chid gayi to?
Zardari: Nonsense. India will never attack us.
Gilani: kyon janab?
Zardari: blackmail. Nuclear warfare. Indians are too responsible for their own good. Unhe yakeen hai ki hamare mulk main itne bad-dimaag log hain ki koi bhi, kabhie bhi wo lal button daba dega.
Gilani: sahi sochte hain?
Zardari: isi ka fayda ham uthayenge. Ghabrao mat Gilli, Manmohan is a nice man…he won’t do it. Good pudding, what say?
He cuts the line; falls on the bed and dozes off. Benazir smiles from the wall.
A piercing ring wakes Zardari. It is the phone. That ring is reserved only for the President of the USA.
Zardari thinks for a while, a long while and then picks it up and gives the best accent possible.
Zardari: Mr. President.
Bush: Shut up
Zardari: but, Mr.
Bush: shut up or my drone is nearby. I will bomb your palace, really.
Zardari: you are harsh sir.
Bush: who did it?
Zardari: Mr. President, now really, we, I mean, how would I know?
Bush: how do I know?
Zardari: what do you mean? You know? How do you know?
Bush: should I bomb you?
Zardari: who did it Mr. President?
Bush: you know I used to think that I am the smartest guy around but you guys are the best, really. You are probably the most irresponsible country in the world and you get world bank loans.
Zardari: thank you Mr. President.
Bush: catch them.
Zardari: catch whom Mr….
Bush: SHUT UP you As…
Silence. More silence.
Bush: o.k don’t piss me off anymore. Catch those bearded bastards. LET, JEM, ABCD whatever.
Zardari: but sir, they didn’t
Bush bangs the phone down.
Zardari is left with the receiver in his hands. He looks around, sighs and looks at the Benazir portrait looking at him.
Zardari: this is the mess I am supposed to clean. Why did you die?
Zardari makes a call
Zardari: Qureshi all of them in 10 minutes.
Qureshi, Kiyani, Pasha and Gilani are in the conference room.
Pasha: ab kya hua?
Kiyani: mujhe aur bhi kaam hain.
Gilani: sabr kariye
Both of them shoot a glance at him and then start laughing.
Gilani and Qureshi exchange glances but are unable to do anything. Zardari walks into the laughter.
Zardari: oh…people are in great spirits here. So, shall we begin? Yes?
Zardari: who did it?
Zardari: let me repeat myself…who did it?
Zardari: urdu main fermaata hoon. Kisne kiya?
Zardari: Abhi phone aaya tha America se. Unhe bhi pata hai. Kisne kiya hai?
Kiyani: janaab honge koi. Hamein kya?
Zardari: kisne kiya? Miyan Pasha aap bahut chup chap hain? Apni rai to farmaye.
Pasha: mujhe lagta hai unke apne log, ya to army ya to kaafiron ka kya bharosa. Malegaon ko dohraya gaya hai janaab.
Zardari stares at him.
Gilani: wo aisa kyon karenge?
Kiyani: hamare Pak aur bedaag daaman ko badnaam karne ke liye, aur kya?
Zardari: ho sakta hai. Bilkul ho sakta hai. Par aisa hai nahin. To phir kisne kiya hai? Lashkar?
Pasha: saazish hai janaab. Kaafiron ki saazish hai. Aur koi saboot bhi to nahin hai. Sirf yakeen aur daawon se kya hota hai.
Zardari: Mohtarma Rice ke file shaayad aapne nahin padha.
Pasha: janaab file se kya hota hai. Saboot chahiye. Pukhta saboot.
Zardari: jo pakda gaya uska kya?
Kiyani: uska kuch nahin janaab.
Gilani: saari duniya ham par shaq karti karti hai.
Pasha: duniya ko chodiye janaab.
Qureshi: it is getting difficult you see
Pasha: urdu main farmayenge?
Qureshi: janaab pressure badhta ja raha hai.
Pasha: Pakistan is not involved – ye line dohrate rahiye. Isse asaan kaam aur kya ho sakta hai?
Kiyani: na to aap front pe goliyon ka shikaar ho rahe hain aur na hi jubaani jung lad sakte hain. Aap is mulk ke kis kaam ke? Oxford ki taleem kab kaam aayegi janaab? Apne saaf lehje main muskuraate hue kehna hai – Pakistan is not involved bas…
Zardari: shabaash Kiyani. Wah mere cheete!
Zardari goes to Kiyani and pinches his cheek.
Zardari: like that Abhishek Bachchan ad ‘what an idea sirji’. Wah wah. I have got it.
Gilani: janaab hamein bhi batay.
Zardari: hum…yani ke hum log yani ki Pakistani government ka Mumbai haadsa se koi lena dena nahi hai.
Qureshi: sir…er…janaab hum to pehle se yahi kehte aa rahe hain…
Zardari: farq hai. Pehle hum kehte the ki koi bhi Pakistani involved nahi hai – RIGHT?
All shake their head.
Zardari: ab hum kahenge ki Pakistani hukmuran yani ki government yani ki hum Bambai haadson ke liye zimmevar nahin hain. Kyon?
All think for a while.
Kiyani: iska matlab hai ki Pakistani Army zimmevar ho sakti hai?
Pasha: ISI bhi.
Gilani: par hamari army ye tohmat kyon le janaab jab wo begunaah hain?
Zardari: begunaah? Come on general. Tell them.
Gilani is surprised.
Kiyani: maaf kijiyega.
Kiyani walks to the side. It is an aside. Zardari joins him.
Kiyani: main kuch samjha nahin?
Zardari: aapko kya lagta hai ki main paagal hoon?
Kiyani: ji nahin…
Zardari: mere paas pukhta suboot hain. Saari duniya ke paas pukhta suboot hain? Aapko pata tha?
Kiyani is silent.
Kiyani: janaab mujhe sharminda kar rahe hain.
Zardari: aapko pata tha.
He joins the others, Kiyani follows
Zardari: to Qureshi…you know what to say. Aap kahenge ki ‘hamari…yani ki Government ki khabar main ye baat aati to hum Hindustan ki sarkar ko khabar karte aur ye haada na hota.’
Pasha: aap hum par tohmat laga rahe hain janaab?
Zardari: bilkul nahin. Aap par ilzaam laga kar mujhe marna hai kya…begum ki tarah.
Pasha: Janaab naaraaz hain?
Qureshi: sir…sir…Dawood ka kya karen?
Pasha: kuch nahin.
Gilani: hamein kuch to karna chahiye?
Pasha: kyon karen janaab…humne jab kuch kiya hi nahin.
Zardari: ENOUGH. Humne kuch nahin kiya. Bambai main blast hua hi nahin. Hamare mulk main koi terrorsits nahin, na hi training camps, na hi LET, na hi JEM…na hi Dawood, na hi Sayeed, na hi Muzammil…ye sab kaafiron ki saazish thi…BJP ki kahein to behtar hoga…elections ke liye…ya to keh dijiye ki aanewaali koi Bollywood film ke liye shooting practice thi.
Zardari walks off.
Patil Out, Pakistan Next November 30, 2008Posted by astralwicks in Blogging, Death, Governance, india, Life, Opinion, pakistan, Personal, Politics, protest, terrorism, urban terror, World, Writing.
Tags: citizens movement, Courage, Indian politicians, Mumbai Terror Attacks 26th nov 08, R R Patil, Shivraj Patil resigns, Taj attacks, terror state pakistan, terrorist states
Finally, Mr. Shivraj Patil has put in his papers. Or, as the gossip goes, he was asked by the party president Mrs. Gandhi to. It’s a sad state of affairs that even for relinquishing that thankless post that the entire nation now equates with inefficiency he couldn’t follow his conscience, but had to be asked. Will efficiency henceforth be the criteria for appointments or loyalty, your guess is as good as mine.
Pakistan next. India is on the verge of suspending the ceasefire on it western and northern borders. India should also suspend all trade, bus and air routes to this nation that is absolutely shameless. No wonder its people suffer from the rulers that they get. No cricket. No exchange during Id or Diwali. We are your enemies. You see us as enemies and so shall we. Tough international sanctions must be imposed on this wolf in a sheeps clothing, crying hoarse that they are victims of terror. Manmohan Singh believed this spiel. So did Advani and Atal and were back stabbed by Kargil. Still we believe the the janus in nexus – the administration and the military.
There is a time for peace and unfortunately a time for more stringent measures if not war. A lot depends on how the politicians and political parties. RR Patil must be prosecuted for his statements. How insensitive and callous can the deputy chief minister of Maharashtra get? He is congratulating himself and government for saving the lives of roughly 4650 people as according to his estimates 5000 dead was the target of the terrorists.
Will Vilasrao still continue to be the chief minister to keep other regional satraps out of power. Or will a person with a vision for the state, its people and one who understands the extra-ordinary role that Mumbai plays be allowed to ascend the chair.
I am sure other than some cosmetic measures nothing much will change. The current rage should not dissipate. I went to a citizines initiative in the morning today where people couldn’t come to a conclusion as to the route to be adopted. There are ANGER marches being planned against the government, both at the center and the state. Most are frustrated with the apathy all around. Will peaceful pressure by numbers of Indian citizens have an impact on the politicians?
If not taken notice, one day it might not be peaceful any more.